Abusive men are simple. Abused women lie.

The answer to the question “Why do men hit and abuse women?” is simple: “It works!”. They want to gain control over a woman, and all stories show us that using violence and abuse is a working method. Maybe the good guys should learn from it…

People with lack of empathy are boring. They are predictable and simple, since the lack of feelings keep them on the same place. OK, they use emotions to gain things and abusing a woman is just about that. Gain control and violence works! Hopefully not on all women, but probably on you too, darling! The real danger is to think that you are different and it will not work on you. I hope you do not learn your lesson the hard way…

So for me the abuser’s side of an relationship is boring, while the other side is more intricate: why are so many women draw into a relationship like that and why do they not leave? How does the Downhill Slope look like? What Black Box makes the abuser’s tool work?

But let me first start by killing a holy cow:  It is not hard to leave an abuser! Saying that it is just one of those examples of how we humans lie to ourselves by words. You do not have to study for four years on a university to learn how to pack a bag, open a door and walk out. Becoming a doctor is hard! Understanding quantum mechanics is hard! So do not insult the people that spent years learning sh*t much more complicated than leaving a guy. 

Another one of these lies is: “I can’t just leave him!”, often said in an aggravated voice. 

Darling! Unless you are duct taped to the power plug of his life support machine or his only means of getting food and water, you can leave! There is no one holding a gun to your head stopping you! The can-not-lie is common word lie among us. I simple occasion is while driving: “You cannot drive there!” when turning into a one way street. The correct saying is: “You are not allowed to drive there!” 

The lies above are used to divert guilt. If you “cannot” do a thing, you cannot be blamed for your inactions, right? And if something is “hard”, people will understand why you do not do it, won’t they? So use these “cannot” and “hard” whenever you need a perfect invalid way of avoiding guilt for being stupid. Remaking the reality is one preferred way of avoiding guilt when the reality is a threat to your ego or morals. The other ones are Attack, Avoidance, Having a reason and Silence, but these are for later posts. 

There are risks leaving a violent man. The highest risk of being killed is actually when trying to leave or shortly thereafter. I read in one research that 75% of the women killed by an abuser are during the leaving period. Another sad statistic is 90% are prone to return to the abuser… (Citation needed)

Leaving someone might be a tough decision to make. Some decision are hard to make, but easy to live with. Sadly, when being abused, the female brain many times starts to become buggy. It gets destroyed (I will describe and exemplify this in future posts.), making it harder for the abused t think straight. So they stay. Hey! Wait a second here! Doesn’t this sound a lot like brainwash? Yes! And does this brain wash have some funky effect on women! I will get into that in later posts!

It will be consequences walking out the door, especially if you bring your mutual child with you. But there are consequences staying as well! Just do not lie to yourself by saying “since I do not take any action – I am free of consequences”. 

There might be problems to solve when leaving. Where can you stay? How do I get/save enough money to buy food?

So why is it so hard to talk about risks, brain washing, consequences and problems, when talking with an abuses woman? Well, then she actually have to admit that the risks etc are there, and admitting that will most likely inflict internal pain since she does live up to her own morals and perception of herself. The easy way out is to attack the one talking or just use the lie: I cannot leave! 

A lot of times I am thankful for not having any hair on my head, because the verbal attacks from someone having her perception of herself threatened are intense. Sensitive egos are more dangerous than big egos. You will get more sh*t from the sensitive ones if you, like me, like to talk about how things are for real.